Balancing Fear

When I was a kid, people were still into afternoon tea parties at which foks were daintily and prettily dressed.  Everyone spoke evenly and smiled, but nobody laughed, and one spent most of one's time precariously balancing a cup of tea on one's knee. Some thirty-five years later, things change.  Now, it's definitely not afternoon parties and/or definitely not tea parties and I not only smile but, apparently, am famous for my laugh.  What remains, though, is the balancing act.

I am embarking on two new personal projects for Jaybird Productions, my own company, besides the shows I have committed to directing for other companies next year.  The first is David Mamet's Oleanna that I plan to mount in November of this year, assuming I can get the rights and a space.  The second is an all woman version of The Taming of the Shrew which I plan to do in some park, somewhere, in the summer of 2013.  Almost certainly in Leslieville or the Beaches.  And, though I have developed significant skill over the last four or five years of directing consistently and some-odd forty years of theatrical experience, every time I think about doing these things, I lose my breath.

What you may not know about me (because, folks, I come across as confident - sometimes a bit cocky) is the stress reaction - the losing my breath - is almost certainly a good sign.  But, usually, I get this reponse later in the process like, say, the day before rehearsal starts, for example.  It's a sign to me that I am personally invested in the project.  That I am committed.  If I get the reaction, I breath.  I steady myself.  It's all about balance.

Though tea is a lovely, sometimes soothing, and healthy drink, the thing about it is it's hot.  You can burn yourself if you spill it. So, too, with creative projects.  We have a burning desire to work, to do yet another show, but we don't want to get burned.  And when one is producing one's own projects, there's this wall, here.  See it?  White hot.  And there, too.  And there, another one.  Must be steady.  Navigate carefully.

Mamet's Oleanna is not usually a show that community theatres do - and, of course, in these economic times I should be doing a comedy - but I am desperate to do it and, therefore, am mounting it myself.  Why?  Well, it's not a dainty show.  Not in the least.  There's this little fight at the end.  It has to be believable and vicious.  Fun.  And don't ask me why I want to do The Taming of the Shrew with an all woman cast.  I can't articulate it (which means no Community Theatre would let me do it -- they like fast talkin' directors) but I am going to do it.  And there I go, again.  Just lost my breath.

How does one balance this fear?  Funnily enough, for me, by applying a zen-like focus on the the detail, on the doing.  By ignoring the big whys, the big picture.  It's important to be at the party.  The sun is shining.  It's a nice afternoon.  Everyone's here.  Just focus on balancing that cup of tea and you won't spill it.

Of course, I now have not one but two cups of tea.  Good thing I have a strong sense of balance, quite a bit of practice, and two knees.



Jacqui Burke is a freelance director, writer, and theatrical teacher living in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.  She is currently directing Kidsplay 2012:  The Mayan Prediction opening in June, and The Last Five Years for TOKL Productions opening in July.  She is, also, serializing The Pretender, her first novel, online at http://thepretender-amarcienoelnovel.blogspot.ca/.  She is preparing for two Shakespeare is Boffo! summer camp sessions for 2012.

Want to contact me?

Jacqui Burke
Artistic Director
Jaybird Productions
talk/text:  647-292-0210
twitter:  @jaybird01
skype:   Jacquiburkecell, jacqui.burke
www.wordsnimages.com
www.jaybirdproductions.ca
www.shakespeareisboffo.ca
http://jacquiburke.blogspot.ca
http://thepretender-amarcienoelnovel.blogspot.ca/
http://jaybirdproductions.blogspot.ca/

Ask me about Shakespeare is Boffo! Premium Summer Camps for Kids.  Two installments in 2012:  The Homeschoolers` Version:  11:00 am – 3:30 pm, August 13-17, 2012 for only $125.  Premium Full Day Summer Camp:  9:00 am – 4:00 pm, July 16-20, 2012 for only $155.  Both prices hold until May 15th, 2012.  Spots are going fast.  Register, now at www.shakespeareisboffo.ca

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Mr. Foster, I divorce you. Until next time.

Mr. Foster, I divorce you.

Because of the protracted nature of a community theatre rehearsal schedule, I have been involved in prepping or rehearsing or watching the run of one of your shows for about nine months, now.  Don't take this badly.  These were good shows.  Good.  Affections of May was the first. Produced by Scarborough Theatre Guild, it went up in January of this year and was well received.  Great bunch of folks.  Won itself some nominations.  Nice.  And we just finished Wrong For Each Other for Encore Entertainment yesterday.  Also, well received.  Truly lovely cast.

But I divorce you.

I have new playwrights' heads to inhabit and other projects on the go.  Make no mistake; it was a marvellous love affair but I have to move on.  Call me any name you will but I, definitely, love the one I'm with.

But, listen:  If you come around again, whispering to me with these characters that feel like friends, this dialogue that trips along and volleys back and forth, these jokes that come in surprising places but are still funny not shocking....  If you come around again with your strong, established female characters, your kind male characters, with your basic, honest, believable moments....  If you come around, again....

As I have said before, you, sir, might prefer someone younger and cuter but you will never find someone more devoted.  At least for a time.  Because, when I am done, I will leave you again as flatly as I am doing today.

And, I am sure, you wouldn't have it any other way (not that I am calling you names). As Richard Bach says, "A farewell is necessary before we can meet again."


Jacqui Burke is a freelance director, writer, and theatrical teacher living in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.  She is currently directing Wrong for Each Other for Encore Productions opening in April, Kidsplay 2012:  The Mayan Prediction opening in June, and The Last Five Years for TOKL Productions opening in July.  She is, also, serializing The Pretender, her first novel, online at http://thepretender-amarcienoelnovel.blogspot.ca/.  She is preparing for two Shakespeare is Boffo! summer camp sessions for 2012.

Want to contact me?

Jacqui Burke
Artistic Director
Jaybird Productions
talk/text:  647-292-0210
twitter:  @jaybird01
skype:   Jacquiburkecell, jacqui.burke
www.wordsnimages.com
www.jaybirdproductions.ca
www.shakespeareisboffo.ca
http://jacquiburke.blogspot.ca
http://thepretender-amarcienoelnovel.blogspot.ca/
http://jaybirdproductions.blogspot.ca/

Ask me about Shakespeare is Boffo! Premium Summer Camps for Kids.  Two installments in 2012:  The Homeschoolers` Version:  11:00 am – 3:30 pm, August 13-17, 2012 for only $125.  Premium Full Day Summer Camp:  9:00 am – 4:00 pm, July 16-20, 2012 for only $155.  Both prices hold until May 15th, 2012.  Spots are going fast.  Register, now at www.shakespeareisboffo.ca

Like what you read?
Encourage me by clicking on one of these ads in this blog. 

Squirrel!

After the success (completely in my own mind) of my first play writing attempt in recent years, I am off, again, scribbling a new one.  This a full length and, hopefully, funny play.  I have the outline all figured; plot twists, such as they are determined; a solid understanding of the characters and their motivations are outlined clearly.  Nice.  That took two days.  But the framework is there.  It just needs to write itself.  I just need to focus.

Wow, okay, what was that over there.  Look!  A friend of mine just posted on Facebook:

"Love don't need a reason, love don't always rhyme.
But love is all we have, for now. What we don't have is time.
~ Peter Allen

Wow, super sweet, considering it's Valentine's.  I really like the sentiment.  Nice.  I am going to 'like' this.

Oh wait, a talk by Noam Chomsky.  Facebook is so coolie.  Hmm, sound quality's not that good.  Best get back to...

Yikes!  Ten more tweets on Twitter.  Just a sec, here.  Extreme yurt building, what's going on with theatre in Toronto, a valentine's card from a version of Nunsense they're doing out there in Scarborough....  So much to read.  So little time.  Best get back to....  Oh, ten more tweets on Twitter....

Oh hee.  Just got poked on Facebook.

Whoops, it's getting pretty late in the day already.  Almost time for my daughter's guitar teacher (who happens to be an old friend) to remind me that she has a guitar class.  Best get the day rolling.   Shoot, I didn't get one word written on that play.

Well, at least I got a blog entry done and posted.  That's important.  :)