It's something to do.

Quite a ways away, in the distance, I can see the shape of a pennant suspended on a flagpole on top of some kind of structure built on a landscape all shrouded in mist. All I can see is the pennant, really, and even then I cannot see the details on the flag. Far, far, far too far away. Everything in front of me is some shade of grey except that pennant which, right now, seems vaguely red.

That's my next personal project. Not sure why, in my mind, it's a fortress in the wilderness but there you are. Right now, I am contemplating the journey across the fog-laden ground between there and here. Just having finished a show I produced and directed, I am a little weary. And it's safe here -- this sweet little cottage we built. There's food, water, good company, with my feet up and healing from the last trek; the light of a merry fire dancing on our faces. It's cold out there, clammy, a little drizzly, dark. Unknown.

And this, this castle I am going work toward is exponentially larger in vision and in scope and, right this second, it seems too daunting a task for me to even take the first step. Or, really, make the first decision which will, like a warm, gentle breeze, chase off a bit of the grey mist and reveal a something of the structure behind. And as I get closer, details will become plain.  But the journey will be long and hard. Often lonely. And I wonder, as I often do, what the fuck I do it for. Because it's difficult. It costs me.

I think it's because that building has always been there; sitting there, waiting. Waiting for me or someone like me to come along and take notice. And, it beckons and teases and dares me like something forbidden to be the one to show its beauty to the world. It's a temptation that's too hard to resist. So, I will get up from this fire and leave these friends and go out into the cold....

And, what the hell.  It's something to do.

Jacqui Burke is a freelance director, writer, and theatrical teacher living in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.  She is currently directing Love Letters for Encore Entertainment, and is looking forward to directing Lend Me A Tenor for Scarborough Theatre Guild.  She is, also, serializing The Pretender, her first novel, online at http://thepretender-amarcienoelnovel.blogspot.ca/.  


Jacqui Burke
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