Uneasy.

As we work more and more on the script of Oleanna, we are all a little uneasy. The script is difficult. Facing it is difficult. Playing it honestly even harder still.

And I, as the director, am not pretending it's easy or even trying to make it easy for them. I am not giving my darlings 'emotional marks' to work toward. I am not indulging in the safety blanket of technique.  If they get hung up, I keep asking them (if my ego doesn't get in the way, dammit):  What does he want right now? What does she need, right now? What is she trying to do? How is he trying to do it? How high are the stakes?

I'm not even telling them where to stand or, specifically, what to do - unless we get really lost. Then, I'll get us out of it by shaping the moment loosely (all the while telling them that I am happy for them to adjust as they get to understand the moment better).

Why? Why am I trying to ask questions more than tell (although, jeez, my ego - you gotta believe I catch myself lecturing in rehearsal)? Why am I trying to faciliate more than impose my 'vision'?

For this show especially, and just about all shows really, I just want my actors to be present and honest for the hour and a half they are on stage. There is no sure and easy way to this end. There are techniques and ideas and such; there is conversation and there are concepts and agreements but in the end we, as artists, need to strip ourselves even of that and just be present and responding honestly.

Now, this is a path of thin ice, a tiny thread across which we must walk the gorge. This is leaning too far off the ladder to reach what we need. This is running into the fray to save someone we love. It's dangerous. Why? Because being present and responding honestly betrays the actor's soul. By definition. By necessity. In front of everybody.

It makes us all uneasy because it's scary. It should feel uneasy. If we were swaddled in technique and concept, vision and method, we would feel safe. But I am very sure we wouldn't be as truthful.

It's a lot like life. There is no quick trick to get us to a valued goal. If we are safe, we are not pushing ourselves. If we are swaddled, we are probably watching TV. One of the greatest challenges in life is to be there for people. To be present, to listen, and to respond honestly. But you do have to bare your soul and that makes you feel unsafe, uneasy. So few folks are willing to do that - except for actors.  Except for actors.


Jacqui Burke is a freelance director, writer, and theatrical teacher living in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.  She is currently directing and producing Oleanna by David Mamet for a two week run at the Red Sandcastle Theatre, prepping and leading her Shakespeare is Boffo! theatre arts camps for active kids, directing Love Letters for Encore Entertainment, and directing Lend Me A Tenor for Scarborough Theatre Guild.  She is, also, serializing The Pretender, her first novel, online at http://thepretender-amarcienoelnovel.blogspot.ca/. 


Jacqui Burke
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